Out of Tune Wolf

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Born to do dishes?

Well, for right. stress and care free. Dish overlord out!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I think gold teeth are great. I'm working up the nerve (and skrillia) to get one of my own. I don't know what or where the fascination came from. I even get excited when I see someone's tooth black out on a billboard. Those two are really the polar opposites though. A blacked out tooth or lack of a tooth ends up being very noticeable because it is breaking the normality of that person. You may have sympathy for that person missing the tooth because you know someone who has had a tooth knocked out. Or perhaps you are actually missing a tooth and can relate to the pain and or inconvenience of the tooth being gone. I also just find it funny when it's on a billboard, but not so much with someone in front of me. I wouldn't laugh then.

The gold tooth is the glorification of the tooth. It can symbolize status (for some reason) i don't know if that is status with your food like you food will think you are cool while you are eating it or with people. Maybe your food would feel more honored being eaten by teeth with some value, not just the run of the mill regular boring teeth. I would be more comfortable being eaten by someone with gold teeth.

Having a crooked tooth of my own, it is already noticed by everyone who sees me smile. I might as well just gold that shit and make it official. I don't want it to be a status symbol but more of a celebration of the comfortability I have towards my screwed up tooth. It sets me apart from you and that other person and that one girl. Who cares anyways my teeth aren't perfect white anyways they are on their way to being gold colored anyhow. Why not speed up the process?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Wha!

The worst thing about gettin all growns up (and this could just be me and probably is) is that you get use to caring about what others think of you. Even as a child I always thought there was something different about me. I haven't ever felt like I was part of the norm and wasn't sure how to utilize or harness this potentially unique brain. I will blame the beginning of the transformation to caring what others think on being a teen. This is the point in your life when you care the most about what other think and it is during these 7 years where you try to keep yourself from being scrutinized by the other zit piles. It's a defense, I get it and what I wish I could go back and tell young Josh is that it doesn't matter, they'll make fun of you regardless. I also wish i could go back and place myself into situations that would have facilitated my ideas, but I digress. So you practice this behavior of "fitting in" for the seven year duration and then it becomes too easy to keep it up and so for the next three to five years you do . The longer you let your creative brain go and contribute to normal society, the harder is to grasp what it was that was so creative about your brain in the first place.

Now as a 29 year old, I desperately want that adolescent goof brain back. Is it still there? Did it go anywhere at all? Maybe it is like exercising your muscles and it can become stronger the more it is worked out. The only problem is that your mature muscles are already buff as hell and flex all over that creative brain. My goal is to unstifle that creativity once again. There is nothing interesting in acting like someone else or a version of what someone else is. I'm pretty sick of the average. I'm interested in those who pave that way and challenge that norm. I can't imagine that following another's lead is what we were put on this glowy wet/dryish spinny rock for. Honestly I don't think there is a reason and thats another reason to just exist and not to try so hard. Get your spontaneous on!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Skate Rant from a couple weeks ago

Barreling down the blemish free, pebbless, close to polished concrete, I practice the line that I have created over the last six weeks at my neighborhood skate park (in which I have a love hate relationship with based around hurting myself). My new home Portland, OR has treated me pretty well thus far, I think to myself. Scanning my eyes across the park, trying to focus in on the youngsters who flow aimlessly in every direction, waiting for my turn to cross into what seems like enemy territory. I’m suddenly reminded of a wave in the ocean that breaks violently, causing chaotic motion in multiple directions. Just like this wave, these kids are a force of nature, unable to be tamed by any man. As my eyes scan quickly back and forth my head tries to follow but is only met with a dizziness only felt when spinning in circles for several minutes. I am sure that I must look like a delirious old man to these vibrant young ones so desperate to obtain and maintain their public image. As my brain tries to record the information necessary to keep from hurting myself and keep from running over or killing children, I stop and think for a second how hilarious these adolescents are and how much they piss me off. In a matter of a one-hour visit to my local skate park, I managed to make a list of DON’TS that these kids should take into consideration. Hopefully this is not a terrible rant much like that of what Andy Rooney would do on the tail end of a 60 minutes episode, bringing himself one more segment closer to a miserable anger filled death.

Please, just please, consider others while pushing along on your skateboard, scooter, or bike. The only reason I am paying even the slightest bit of attention to you at all is because there is a risk of me accidentally slaughtering your due to the extra 175 pounds of man that I have grown. I don’t care about your flippy tech tricks that honestly bore the hell out of me anyways. I am there for my enjoyment.
There are four different grom groups filming your styleless tricks. Ban together and make one shitty movie. Imovie for MAC already has the template for it! Plus your self-esteem will enhance from all of the new friends you have made sucking. Go ahead, send that video to your local shop for sponsorship, I’m sure they’ll get a good laugh at it, especially because I’m in the back ground making a sour face with a thumbs down.
Stop drinking Caprice Sun at the park. What is this day care? You don’t need to juice up with energy drinks like MONSTER, Red Bull, Rockstar, or Jolt cola (ok that’s before your time but still) either. Just drink some water. It is pretty refreshing too! If I see a snack pack, I’m going to slap it out of your hand, and PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a skatepark!
This one is for you little bit bigger young ones. Yes, you have your license, but no that does not mean you can do doughnuts in the parking lot. Hey idiot, 1992 called, they want their shitty looking Mustang back! Buttholes drive that car.
Bikes! It is called a skate park, just sayin’. No need to continue on this one. Fill in the blank here…

Like I said. I’m enjoying my time at the parks here in Portland. For those of you who think we have a sufficient amount of parks, I would go to say that there are not enough. Most of the time the parks are grossly over inhabited with an extreme age range of people. Another possibility, and the most unsettling answer to my frustrations is that I could be officially getting old.